Man buys Audemars Piguet watch, Life improves 267%

July 19, 2012 at 10:15 pm

New York, NY — A local man who wishes to remain anonymous recently bought an Audemars Piguet watch from TraxNYC. After wearing it for a week, he reported the following symptoms:

  • 22 women flirting with him, an increase of 750%
  • Comped tables at two clubs and VIP treatment
  • Excess confidence leading to befriending CEOs and three minor celebrities
  • Discounts and comped meals at 5-star restaurants
  • 2 pairs of panties, thrown, found later in the back of his convertible
  • 1 proposal to jetset to the Greek Islands for a weekend

As you can see, the effects of such a watch are quite powerful. This man was wearing the AP Rose Gold watch, a rare and highly sought-after timepiece for the modern man. Use of this watch is not intended for children. It has a powerful effect on all the people around you — women, men, and even the occasional goose (our lad was chased by one bird for a quarter mile before help arrived).
Users of this watch should proceed with caution. Men and women alike throw all social rules out the window and are left powerless in the face of such pristine luxury. This watch is not for everyone. Only those with, excuse my language, balls of steel are able to wear it for longer than a day. Let this anonymous man’s tale serve as a warning to those who would wear such a watch casually: Your life will never be the same again.

 

Disclaimer: wearing this watch does not guarantee anything except being cool as f*ck